The Truth About Sorora-whores

I am a sorority bitch. I wear gucci sunglasses. I have a Kate Spade Purse. I fake bake. I binge drink. I don't go to class. I shack. I have lots of different guys' boxers because I shack. I drink lots of hard alcohol.

I spend hours doing my hair before I go to class so I can get that "messy" look. I go to the gym with makeup on. My hair looks perfect when I am at the gym. I go to the gym in pure spandex. I act like I'm working out really hard when I am at the gym, but really I am only checking out frat boys.

I have a frat boy boyfriend. I only associatewith frat boys. I shack at frat houses. You will see me walking down fraternity row in my black platforms and a tube top and capri pants at 11 am on Sunday morning because I just woke up. I diet. I eat salads and lots of chocolate cake. I don't know all of my professors names, but I know all the names of famous designers. I wear calvin clein underwear.. at least it will look good when it's on the floor.

I have a cell phone. I talk on my cell phone on the way to class. My cell phone often rings in class. People know I am popular because my cell phone rings so much. My cell phone has many different colored fronts to match all of my outfits. I throw up in Frat bathrooms. I drink jungle juice. I take shots. I sleep in class. I watch 90210. I go out every night. I complain about Monday night meetings. I talk about everyone. I gossip about my sisters. I drink too much.

I want daddy to send me more money. I shop at Nordstroms. My liscence plate says Princess. I drive a cool sports car. I have a prada bag. I spend more money on my purses than you did on your computer. You wish you were like me. I know if you were really cool you would rush. If you did rush and dropped, we didn't want you anyway. I wear cute clothes to go get my mail. I wear sorority tee-shirts everywhere, but especially to the gym. I know where the mall is but I don't know where to register for classes. I have sex with frat boys.

I talk about how wasted I was last night really loud in class. I was really wasted last night. I always know what's going on. And if it's going on and I don't know about it, it must not be cool. I will ask you what house you're in and I will try not to laugh if your house sucks... or if your not in a house at all, wow, I'm really sorry. What do you do if you're not in a house? Do you go out if you're not in a house? Do you have any friends? Where on earth do you go to drink?

I get my hair highlighted. I have a Tiffany's bracelet with my name engraved on it. I only use my computer to email people. I only get good grades on papers because there are copies of them in my house. I am on academic probation. I have lots of frat guys phone numbers on my tack board. I cherish the greek pages. I talk about my house in class. I will ask you about your house in class. I will let everyone know what sorority I'm in.

I make out with fraternity boys at frat parties. I can be found at a frat house on any given night at 1:30 am. Late night, duh. I have the perfect outfit for every date dash. At pimps and hoes I don't even have to dress up.

I am a jammavibrator, a dick grabber, a chi hoe, a Dog Pound, a dirty girl, a Tri- Dump, a Visa, a Master Card. I smoke on the front porch of my sorority house. I have a cigarette case to make all of my kenneth cole shoes. I have MAC make up. I have thousands of photographs. I am kissing a frat boy or drinking alcohol in 80 percent of the photos. In the other 20 percent I am too drunk to hold a beer any more or I just got finished kissing a frat boy.

If you have a frat boy boyfriend and you're not in a house he's probably getting on me when you're not around. I like getting on other people's boyfriends. It makes me feel really good about myself. Because I am prettier than you, I sure as hell dress better than you, and dammit, I'm cooler than you.

I’m a sorority bitch.

The Truth About Frat Guys

I think that if independents were cool, they would have pledged a frat in the first place. I know that independents are jealous of my social life. I believe that I am more fun and am a harder partier than any GDI (God Damn Independent). I am exclusive because I hate you.

I run Dance Marathon. I am the brains behind Spring Week. I hope you enjoyed my Homecoming Parade last Friday.

I don't go to classes. I spend my days at Fastbreak in the HUB basement. I spend my nights at the Gingerbread Man (unless it's a Friday afternoon because I am at Cafe 210 West).

I spend my afternoons at BodyWorks. I will never go to the Lion's Den.

I buy my friends. I joined a frat to feel accepted. I couldn't make friends when I got to college, so I paid for them instead. I give more than $1,000 of my parents' money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am cool. I drink a lot because I am cooler than you.

I haze my pledges. I make them eat sticks of butter. I make them drink soy sauce. I make them clean my house naked. I make them wear women's panties. I emotionally scar them for life. I abuse them physically until they cry for mercy. I then call them wimps. I later call them my brothers if they don't de-pledge along the way.

I am not an individual. I mimic the actions of my frat brothers. I drive a sport utility vehicle. I play with my dog on the HUB lawn. I wear brown Timberlands.

I will never commit to just one girl. I don't wear condoms because it doesn't feel as good. I believe that a girl gives up her right to say "no" if she is in my frat house after 1:30 a.m. I am shady.

I have no independent thought. I dress just like my frat brothers. I act just like my frat brothers. I talk just like my frat brothers. I strut just like my frat brothers.

I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I have a low GPA. I am thankful that my frat buddies will get me a job after graduation because I know that I can't get one on my own. I show up drunk for interviews.

I wear my letters. I billboard my frat on sweatshirts with huge Greek letter symbols. All of my T-shirts are frat party T-shirts. I own many plaid button-downs. I own one baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I wear beer goggles on weekends.
My frat letters are license to be a jerk.

I hide in the closet when my frat brothers hook up with girls. I think gang rape is OK if the girl "is asking for it."

I am loud and obnoxious wherever I go in public. I am twice as obnoxious one-on-one.

I live in filth. I enjoy the smell of old-beer-in-carpet. I prefer a dingy frat house to a clean apartment. I think living among rodents builds character. I leave the seat up. I can't clean up after myself. I rarely change my underwear.

I am a player. I don't care about what girls have to say. I only care about me. I will say anything to get a girl in bed. I will say even more to get a freshman girl in bed because I know she'll believe me.

I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public. I slip Rohypnol into unsuspecting girls' drinks at frat parties. I do keg stands. I play beer pong. I own a beer funnel. I don't binge drink -- I continually drink.

I am everything wrong with America.

I'm a Frat Guy.